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Moon Tickets


Pan-Am customer service employee, Daisy, is sitting at a desk with a headset on. The phone on her desk rings and she picks up, speaking into the headset.

Daisy Pan-Am Airlines, how can I help?

Customer (on the other end of the line) Is that the moon people?

Daisy I'm sorry?

Customer Are you the people who do the moon thing?

Daisy I'm not, I'm not sure what you're...what you're referring to?

Customer I have a ticket to go to the moon.

Daisy A ticket...to the moon?

Daisy's boss, Clive, enters behind her and observes the phone call intently.


Customer Yes, I bought the ticket 30 years ago and I still haven't heard back.

Daisy I see...I...I don't, I don't know about any offers we have to sell tickets to the moon.

Clive goes up to her and taps her on the shoulder. She turns around and points at her headset.

Customer Well I have a ticket here that's good for one round trip to the moon.

Clive (whispered) Put him on hold!

Daisy If you'll just bear with me one second sir, I'll be right back. (She presses a button on her head-set). What?

Clive Is that a moon guy?

Daisy A moon – you know about this?

Clive Shit.

Daisy Have we been selling tickets to the moon?

Clive We don't do it anymore.

Daisy Why have we been selling tickets to the moon?

Clive Look, we started doing it in the 70s, everyone was moon-crazy after Neil Armstrong and we wanted to capitalise on that.

Daisy By selling tickets to the moon?!

Clive Well what else were we supposed to do?

Daisy I don't know! Stickers? Pens?

Clive We're an airline company Daisy, why would we go into stickers and pens?

Daisy You went into bloody space-travel!

Clive Well that's more connected to air-travel than stickers and pens, isn't it?!

Daisy What do I tell this guy? He's still on hold.

Clive Right, uhm, how old is he?

Daisy I don't know.

Clive Does he sound old?

Daisy Yeah, he sounds pretty old, why?

Clive Maybe he'll just die of old age.

Daisy What, in the next 5 minutes?

Clive You never know.

Daisy That's your plan?

Clive That's all I got!

Daisy Ugh! (She presses the button on her head-set) Hi, sir, thanks for bearing with me. I've looked into the booking and unfortunately...ehm...the flight to the moon is...experiencing delays.

Customer Delays?

Daisy Yes, delays.

Customer It's been over twenty years!

Daisy Yes, they're severe delays.

Customer Well I want my money back.

Daisy A refund?

Clive taps Daisy on the shoulder.

Customer That's right.

Daisy One moment please. (She presses a button on her headset) What?

Clive Don't give him the refund.

Daisy Surely he's entitled to one.

Clive You can't, Pan-Am would crumble.

Daisy What?

Clive Look, we haven't been profitable in decades. The only thing keeping us afloat is all the moon-money. And that's starting to run low so we can't issue refunds.

Daisy How much were these tickets going for?

Clive Oh, you know, a couple thousand.

Daisy How many thousand?

Clive Tens of thousands.

Daisy Ten thousand dollars?!

Clive At least.

Daisy Fucking hell!

Clive Hey a trip to the moon, that's a hell of an attractive package, gotta charge the big bucks for it.

Daisy And what did you think would happen when you wouldn't actually be able to get to the moon?

Clive Look, it was the 70s, back then, seemed like anything was possible. We thought it would just be a matter of time.

Daisy This guy bought his tickets in the 80s.

Clive Yeah, we to be honest, we kinda forgot we were selling them so by the 90s, we already had like 30 thousand of them sold.

Daisy Oh my God.

Clive Yeah, well now you know why we can't give him a refund. So say whatever you have to say to the guy, just don't give him his money back.

Daisy (She presses the button on her headset again) Hi sir, thanks for bearing me....Sir?....sir, are you there?

Voice (a different voice on the other side of the line) Hello?

Daisy Hi, this is Daisy from Pan-Am, I was just talking to someone on this line?

Voice Yeah, my grandpa.

Daisy Where is he?

Voice He's just died of old age.

Clive punches the air in the celebration.

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