Oh shit, oh no, the Jell-o is talking to me, this can't be good.
“Terry! You must listen to me!”
Yep, I've gone too far. Don't freak out, just ride this out.
“Terry! I have news of great import, you must heed my warning!”
Don't listen to him. He's a gelatin-based dessert, he doesn't know anything.
“The world, Terry! It will end unless you do something.”
He does look serious though. Well, it's kind of hard to tell, he's got three eyes and no face. Still, he's hella authoritative for a dish.
“The Jam, Terry! It'll cover us all!”
Get it together, man. Stay calm, stay down to earth. The real earth. The earth that will end if you don't listen to this Jell-o.
“You must warn the world, Terry! The Cosmic Jam is coming to cover us all!”
I mean, that doesn't seem so bad. I hate my commute, maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I could swim to work in jam.
“No, Terry! We'll all be smothered by the Jam! It'll be all sticky and you'll never get it off.”
Oh man, that doesn't sound good.
“We're but another planet in its path! It'll swallow us whole and we'll be but another particle in the endless Jammy cloud!”
How do you know?
“It was foretold, Terry! It was written in the stars!”
“Listen, Terry! You are the Chosen One!”
No, I can't handle the responsibility.
“You must! The Jam is coming and only you can stop it!”
But I don't even like jam.
“Do you want to die, Terry!”
“Then do as I say!”
But what can I do? I'm just a person! How can I stand up to an endless expanse of sticky sweetness?
“You must jump onstage, Terry! And in view of everyone, you must enter me!”
“We must enter into an unholy union between man and jelly!”
Are you saying I need to...fuck you, Jell-o?
“Yes! You must fuck me, the Great Jell-o, furiously and defiantly! Show the Space Jam you are not afraid!”
No, this is crazy.
“It is what must be done, Terry!”
But what, what will happen to you? You're only made of jelly.
“Yes, it will destroy me, Terry! This is the sacrifice I must make to save humanity!”
I don't want to kill you.
“It is what has to happen, Terry! Fuck me into tiny pieces!”
What if I can't? What if I fail?
“Then we are doomed, Terry! Now, enough talk and do what must be done!”
I love you, Jell-o!
“I love you too, Terry! Now go! GO!”
YES, GREAT JELL-O! I WILL DO IT!!!
Today's Headline: Local Rave Broken Up By Police As Man Arrested For Exposing Himself