Him and her in bed. She's reading a book. He's on his smartphone. His phone dings. He hecks the message.
Him Shit.
Her What?
Him I have to work tomorrow.
Her What?
Him Sam needs me to come in tomorrow.
Her And he messages you at 11pm?
Him You know him, he's always working.
Her You're not gonna say yes are you?
Him Well I have to.
Her Why?
Him Louise is sick, someone has to cover.
Her Why does it have to be you?
Him No one else is available.
Her You're not available.
Him I'm the only other person in the country.
Her Just tell him you're out the country.
Him I'm not telling him that.
Her Why?
Him He won't believe it.
Her How would he know? Tell him you're on a day trip. Done.
Him I don't want to lie.
Her Everyone lies.
Him That's not true.
Her Oh yes is is.
Him No it isn't.
Her One of the secretaries at my work lied, said she was sick so she could go to Brighton.
Him That's different, you work for a big company, there's only 8 of us in this one.
Her You said we were gonna spend time together.
Him I'm sorry, I can't do anything about this.
She goes back to reading her book in a huff.
Him What?
Her Nothing.
Him Yeah right.
Her What?
Him You're mad.
Her You're just gonna let him do this to you every time he needs you to come in?
Him It's not like this happens often,
Her It's like your his pet or something.
Him I care about my work, alright? Just because you work a shit job, don't start making it my problem.
Her I don't have a shit job.
Him Oh please, I constantly have to hear about all the shit your coworkers do to piss you off. “They're so annoying, why don't they leave me alone?”
Her Well maybe I'll just keep it to myself then.
Him Wouldn't that be a change?
Her What?
Him What?
Her You saying I complain all the time or something?
Him What do you think?
Her I don't complain all the time.
Him Well then I guess you don't.
Her I don't.
Him I know, you said you don't so it must be true.
Her Why are you being mean?
Him What? I'm just agreeing with you.
Her Your tone is nasty.
Him My tone? What the hell are you reading into my tone?
Her You're raising your voice.
Him Well you're pissing me off.
Her I didn't say anything.
Him You didn't – are you actually serious, you don't see why I'm annoyed right now?
Her No.
Him Fucking hell.
Her What?
Him You always fucking do this. You get me all pissed off then act like you didn't anything wrong.
Her You're the one getting pissed off for no reason and shouting at me. I don't see why it's my fault.
Him I'm not shouting, am I shouting?
Her Well you are.
Him No, you'll know when I start shouting.
Her Whatever.
She goes back to reading her book.
Him Yeah great, now I'm the asshole, great, I don't know how, but somehow I'm always the asshole.
She gets out the bed and goes to the closet.
Him What are you doing?
She starts putting clothes over her pyjamas.
Him Where are you going?
Her I don't know.
Him Why are you leaving?
Her Well you don't want me here do you? If I just piss you off.
Him Oh for fuck's sake, when did I say I didn't want you here? I never said that. Stop putting clothes on.
She continues putting clothes on.
Him Hey, stop putting clothes on, you're not leaving.
Her You can't stop me.
Him I can actually, I'm not letting you leave.
Her Why? Why you trying to control me?
Him I'm not trying to-- fuck's sake why do you deliberately take everything I say the wrong way all the time? It's fucking impossible to have a conversation with you.
Her I'm not doing deliberately doing it.
Him Oh please, yes you are.
Her I'm not. You make it sound like I'm some evil person, like I'm manipulating you or something.
Him Get into bed, you're being stupid.
Her I'm not being stupid.
Him You are. You're being a fucking idiot.
Her Just let me leave.
Him No, where you gonna go? You gonna walk around on your own at 11pm? You can't walk through a park at night without calling me first.
Her Well I can, I just prefer talking to someone.
Him Well when you gonna come back here?
Her I don't know, when I feel like it.
Him Why the fuck are you going for a walk at 11 in the evening?
She shrugs.
Him See, you don't have a reason. You're just being stupid.
Her Stop calling me stupid!
Him Stop being stupid then! Just fucking get into bed, would you? Let's just go to sleep.
Her I can't sleep now, can I? You've got me all worked up.
Him And there it is, once again it's my fault, it doesn't matter than I'm pissed off, no, the big problem here is that you can't sleep.
Pause.
Him What you just gonna say nothing now?
Her Well there's no point is there? Everything I say just makes you angry.
Him Oh for fuck's – you know what, go on your stupid walk. I hope you get fucking mugged.
Her Maybe I will. Maybe I'll get mugged and die and you'll feel like shit.
Him Oh, I'd receive the news with a big fucking smile on my face, let me tell you right now.
Her Great, well this is the last time you see me then!
She storms off.
Him Yeah, I hope not!
After a few moments on his own, he punches the bed.
Him Fuck!
His phone rings. He picks up.
Him Yeah, what?...Oh, sorry Mr. Hedges...yeah, sorry, we'll keep it down...yes, you're right, it isn't very neighbourly to shout at 11pm...yeah, sorry...and sorry again about last week...yeah, maybe we should consider breaking up that's not a bad suggestion...ok, alright good night, Mr. Hedges.
He hangs up.
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